For this generation of entering college students, born in 2013, Chinua Achebe, James Gandolini, Nelson Mandela, and Jang Song-thaek have always been dead.
1. They might see Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Kate Middleton, and Prince William at parents’ weekend.
2. Their parents may have been twerking the day they were born.
3. News of their birth may have been leaked by Edward Snowden.
4. Having two living popes is no big deal.
5. There has always been a Higgs boson.
6. Marathon runners have always been wearing flak jackets.
7. Their parents were playing Candy Crush while they were left crying in their cribs.
8. They were paid their allowances in bitcoins.
9. They have always been watching original programming on Netflix. What is ABC?
10. “Blurred Lines” and “Wrecking Ball” play on the Golden Oldies station.
11. The first Christmas music they heard was by Duck Dynasty.
12. Chelyabinsk has always been known for meteor strikes, not for its role in Pugachev’s Rebellion.
13. People have always been getting fired for inappropriate tweets.
14. Their first eyewear was Google Glasses. What are corrective lenses?
15. Their parents told them babies are delivered by Amazon helicopter drones.
16. During recess, they played the knockout game.
17. George Zimmerman has always never been guilty of killing Trayvon Martin, who has always never been not dead.